Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Looking up?

There are some days when the world feels like your friend, you've had an awesome day, and nothing can go wrong.

Unfortunately, this is not one of those days.

Today, all I want to do is go curl up in a dark, cool room and sleep. For a very long time. The eating is fine, I've done my normal amount of workouts lately, I'm just feeling very overwhelmed. Too little money, too little time, too many stressors. Normal things that I usually stress about and can handle. Not sure what is changed. Something I can pinpoint is this family mess that I'm currently caught up in. All my life, I've moved around. Had to acclimate myself to new people, locations, make new friends, etc. However, when my mom finally remarried to my stepdad (who I consider my father), the roots were finally put down. I'm extremely loyal to my family and I would seriously do anything for that bunch. Drama is drama. It's always drove me nuts whenever someone says they hate drama. Who likes drama? No one. However, once the fight/drama has occurred, the most important part is how you deal with the drama. Life is friggin' messy! I'm passionate to a fault. I see a lot of things in black and white, but understand there's a whole world of grays in between. However, when people prolong the drama by being (take your pick, I've dealt with them all) petty, spiteful, mean, hateful, vindictive, childish, or all of the above...I don't understand that. Leave that mess on the doorstop. I don't have time to deal with these types of emotions. I'm just barely getting through the day.

So anyway, the family drama has left me in a figurative hole. I'm tired, I'm standing at the bottom of this hole and have no idea how to pull myself out of it.

But back to the weight. Oh, the weight. Actually, I've started to heed my roommate's advice and am only weighing myself once a week. I refuse to be that girl whose mood is dictated by the number on the scale that day. Food is not the enemy. I can eat. I can even eat things that technically won't further my goal. These are called cheats. Speaking of cheats...oh, On the Border tortillas and queso...my good friend and enemy. Frenemy perhaps? However, when I did weigh myself, the number displayed a good healthy 203.5. Yes, I realize that's not healthy by anyone's standards. However, considering I was up to almost 225 at my heaviest, I can deal with that. A couple more weeks and I'll be in "onederland," as the bloggers tend to call it. The last time I was in the 100's had to be in high school. Maybe junior high. For me, it's been on the to-do list for way too long and I know once I get in that range, I'm never going back. Even if I have to give up queso.

I don't actually have to do that, right?


  1. Bad days are a bitch, but bad days have never been the problem in my part of the world. It's been those bad weeks, bad months and (let's be honest here) bad years that put me squarely behind the 8-ball.

    The kind of stress you're talking about is easy to self-medicate with food, but we all know just how self-defeating that course of action can be. The problem is that there will always be stress in your life, and the sooner you learn to deal with it head-on instead of with food, the better off you'll be (and by you, I mean me, you, all of us).

    Here's to your rapid drop deep into Onederland. I suspect you'll find that blogging helps you keep your focus sharp and helps hold you accountable. And I agree that a once-a-week weigh-in is plenty, but I'd suggest keeping a running total somewhere (even if you don't look at this as merely a weight-loss blog). Obviously it's an issue near and dear to your heart; dealing with the numbers openly provides even more incentive to rock that scale on your weigh-in!

    Sorry to leave such a long-winded comment, but it's not often that I get to write a first comment (geez, I hope nobody jumps in front of me while I'm going on and on and on...), so I just wanted to make certain that I got my money's worth.

    Good luck and welcome to Blogdom!

    P.S. Once you actually pass the bar, we have to quit being friends. I have a rabid hatred for all lawyers!

  2. Hi, we were in the same WIDTH post @ Jack's so I thought I'd stop by to say hi.

    I weigh in once a week most of the time, but sometimes I change it up. If I'm off plan I try to weigh in daily (to keep reminding myself & hope that one of those will push me back to action). If I get too obsessed w the scale I weigh in monthly for a few months. I weigh in on Mondays, to keep me on track over the weekend - the hardest days for me usually). If the Monday number is not to my liking I get a do-over on Tuesday, but then I live with the Tuesday number.

    And like Jack says, I've found blogging to be great for keeping me checked in with this particular life goal, and I do it publicly (page is currently down because I'm redesigning my blog, but will be back up shortly).