Falling off the wagon...ok, not really...

I have literally sat in my chair a good dozen times, watching this blinking text line and waiting for the words to pour out of my mouth. My head is full of cool, exciting, wonderful, mindful things that have been happening to me lately...I just haven't been able to spit it out.

I just started law school. And, while the material is hard and it's a very different way of thinking/learning, the most challenging aspect of it is the time management. I'm working full time and going to law school part time. I realized long ago that I would have no life. It plagued me for months, this worrying over balancing the priorities while still trying to maintain my sanity and keep chugging along on this health journey. However, I've stopped worrying (mostly) about it. I have four priorities. From most important to least, they are: school, friends/family/boyfriend, working out, and work. That's it. Nowhere in my priority list does it say I have a priority to watch a gazillion terrible reality TV shows or spend hours on Facebook or organize my shoes or shop. As much as I would like those to be thrown randomly onto the list, there (literally) is just not enough time in the day. And I'm ok with that. It's consistent, I know what to prepare for, I know who/what to make time for, etc.

It finally hit me (almost literally, it was while I was running on the be-u-ti-ful golf course by my apartment which is lined with trees) that I have my WHOLE life to get healthy. I am not in a competition with anyone other than myself. I tend to get caught up in the whole competitive aspect of law school that I have to remember this is NOT a race. This is me, life-styling it up, knowing that I'm in it for the long haul. Therefore, the world is not going to end if I don't lose x amount of pounds in y amount of days. I don't need to be 30 pounds lighter by Christmas. All I can do is continue making great, healthy eating choices which rewards my body for all the hard work it does. I can continue to push my body further physically and allow it to push those boundaries. I can continue to be thankful--no, even more than thankful--forever grateful that my body allows me to do all these cool activities even after all the stress and harm I've done to it these past 23 years. I WILL remember that no one is perfect, life goes on even if you have an off-day of eating or exercise. The mindfulness THAT it's an off day is all that's necessary. I cannot express the switch that clicked in my mind when I made the change of goals from "weight loss" to "fitness." Suddenly, it became way less about "What am I craving right here, right now?" and way more about "How does my body react to this food when I eat it?" Less "Man, I am not feeling the gym today," and more "I always feel so great after a run."

Now, I'm not gonna lie. If you asked me what I ate last weekend, I automatically remember the gelato and amazing margarita pizza I consumed at our local Italian deli. But that was one meal. And, if I'm going to have ice cream and pizza, I want the best. No more of this Domino's crap. I want a handmade, fluffy Italian crust with an explosion of spices and the best pepperoni available. Same with the cup of caramel gelato I shared with boyfriend. Creamy, rich...everything you could ever hope to taste in an ice cream. When you decide that you're only going to eat the best that food has to offer, you stop thinking about those stale birthday cakes or donuts in the break room. And realize that it's ok to really, mindfully enjoy food. Here and now. In the present. And move on. Food will always be there. It's up to you each day to decide what type of food you want to use to nourish your body.

I choose my food as I choose my life. Only the best.

How's your mindfulness going?

heart? stylish? pfft...

Let me tell you, there is nothing scarier than sitting at the computer with a blank screen staring you in the face. Couple that with the forever flickering text line, and I could gaze aimlessly at the computer all day. Warning, warning! This does not equal good times in the whole productivity/I-should-be-working sort of thing.

However, I guess I shall explain the blog title. An ex-boyfriend used to call me "pretty pretty princess." And not in a good way. In the can't-leave-the-house-without-the-appropriate-outfit way. He was always teasing me about being too much in control, about worrying over the little things, worrying over first/last impressions, etc. Of course, now I see that he was an insecure jerk who really needed to be nicer to his then-current girlfriend, but that's always stuck with me. Because I don't see myself that way. Granted, after a bout in high school that I will refer to as the "frizzy days" (insecurity paired with frizzy hair and no idea of how to look put together), I have changed. I work at somewhere where I need to be presentable everyday. If not a suit, at least business casual. I put a lot of thought into how I am presented to others; I'm going to law school - it's kind of a necessary thing. I long ago befriended a hair straightener and my face has (finally) cleared up.

But that's just the physical aspect. College, heartbreak, my relationship with God, friendships beginning/ending, etc. have changed all of the inside stuff. I know I'm stronger than I was in high school. Not just physically-although my trainer at the gym would make me do extra squats for not throwing that in-but emotionally. Mentally. I've worked very hard for the foundation to my life, and I will fight to keep that foundation strong and healthy. I love deeply, and I give my all to relationships before throwing in the towel. I keep a fierce hold on my family and friends which mean the most to me. I've learned to let go of people who desired to be let go, and to stop trying to change people that sought to stay the same. Sometimes you do your best and it still comes up short. There will be days when you're late for work, you have a flat tire, you spill your water bottle all over the papers on your desk (this particular one happened to be me this morning). And sometimes, there are those moments which you will look back on for years to come, pull out when you are having a horrible day, and they will make you smile.

Anyway. Blog title, right. Did I mention I'm random and tend to go off into tangents? To me, having a stylish heart is doing everything 100%. Love fully. Take risks. Don't be afraid to do something that seems way out of your limits and comfort zone (hello! I will be entering law school this fall!) Never let a past failure dictate how you live your life (still working on this one). Accept your mistakes (this one too). Better yet, learn from them. Don't be afraid to be silly, ask questions, cry, wallow (a good wallow day can cure just about anything). Set goals, small and big. A stylish heart is 95% on the inside and 5% on the outside. (Because, let's be realistic. I do like to feel pretty every once in awhile.)

So, ex-boyfriend, here's looking at you. You can call me pretty pretty princess all you want. I've got the stylish heart to back it up.