Priorities and saying the scary words...

Can't believe it's been a month and a half since my last post. Life has been, to put it in a cliched way, crazy. Not normal, check-things-off-the-list crazy. No, crazy to the point that I'm in the shower reciting different rules related to negligence, opening the refrigerator to find my car keys sitting on the top shelf, and wondering if I can drink milk that expired three days ago. (In case you were wondering, my roommate said as long as it still smells good, we're all good. But I'm wary of expired food in general. Gross.)

Law school has definitely taken its toll on every facet of my life. Case-in-point. I used to get a good, solid 7 hours of sleep every night. Now, I'm averaging about 5 hours. Those extra two hours apparently are responsible for a lot of things. They put you over the edge from "exhaustion" to "rested," they allow your brain to function normally, keep your skin from looking tired/breaking out, allow you to lose weight easier, etc. However, there's no way to carve more sleep time in. Believe me. I've tried.

Working out has been my number one stress reliever. Last week, I did yoga twice instead of normal cardio workouts because I genuinely felt like I needed that 30 minutes of stretching, gratefulness and quiet.

Law school has decreased my workout schedule, and I have definitely noticed it in my weight. Which has not budged. In one month. On the plus side, great, I now know this is great for maintenance. However, I'm not in maintenance mode just yet. I'm still in weight loss mode and have another 30 pounds to go. I know the tools that I use to lose weight. However, there's no way I can work out 6 days a week like I was doing pre-law school. Now, I'm averaging about 4 days a week, with only 1-2 strength training days. I know strength training is key to weight loss.

Finally, law school, in general, has sucked out my motivation for other things. Working full time, going to school part time, and trying to keep face time with the boyfriend while keeping up your workout schedule is a daunting task. I still love exercise, but that extra little push of motivation that gets me out of bed at 5:00 in the morning is gone. I really, really, REALLY want it back. Really.

Up until about 2 weeks ago, I had been doing great, stellar, amazing on my eating. One or two planned off-meals a week, with the rest of the time leaving me full, happy and satisfied. Fast-forward to now. Still eating great, but have emotionally ate twice as of last week. In my POV, there are two ways to be off-plan: (1) seeing a great meal opportunity in the next weekend or couple days, thinking about how nice it will be to eat that meal, relishing it when it comes, and truly enjoying eating just enough to keep you full and (2) mindlessly eating, not sure how you got the food, unsure how much you've already consumed, weren't very hungry to begin with, eat to the point of feeling stuffed.

I know these patterns. I know the ways they get started, how to change them, etc. The question is, why did I end up on the couch late one night after class, stuffing my face with tortillas and queso? I know it'll make me feel overly full and gross afterwards (it did). I know that I will regret eating that food, as much as I know that I never regret an exercise. However, why can't I allow knowing all that to change my actions? No answers. This is a question I've been asking myself for the last 2 weeks. Hopefully soon I'll figure it out.

However, I have made a firm decision to be kind to myself and to quit beating myself up if I don't have time for everything. Law school is tough and I'm still getting my bearings. I love exercise, and I know I can't go for too long without it. I will hopefully try to rely on my healthy habits that have already been established, and stop worrying about trying to squeeze everything in.

Sorry this post was so all over the place. Hence what happens when I don't blog in almost two months.